Not being able to make decisions is one of the more common reasons people seek me out for coaching. Being unable to make decisions leaves them feeling misunderstood, unfulfilled, and sooner or later (usually sooner) they feel resentful. Which makes sense — if everyone is making decisions for you, you begin to feel a little left out of your life.
For some making decisions is paralyzing, almost painful. So, they don’t. They will usually deflect to the nearest person or simply not decide. Deflection looks like this: “What do you want for dinner?” “Oh, I don’t know. What do you want?”
Except they do know what they want. As soon as they were asked that question, fried chicken popped into their head. But they didn’t say that.
Or they stand in front of the fridge for an hour, and go away hungry because any decision seemed too overwhelming.
When you don’t make decisions you are essentially telling yourself and the rest of the world that you don’t matter enough to ask for what you want. If you say that long enough, you and everyone around you will begin to believe it and act accordingly.
Which only leads to a big bucket of suck.
The fear of making the wrong decision can leave you feeling paralyzed and unable to choose. Your brain will get overwhelmed with trying to consider and analyze ALL THE POSSIBLE OUTCOMES — EVER. Even over a decision as simple as fries or onion rings.
So, you give up. Either letting someone else decide for you or simply not making a decision at all.
What is a person to do?
When you are facing a decision, whether it’s what to order from the drive thru window or what car to buy, take 5-7 slow deep breaths. This will calm down the neurology that is screaming OH MY GOD PANIC.
Next, after a slow, deep inhale — exhale and envision pushing all the loud thoughts outside of your body. These thoughts are taking up valuable real estate and they are free-loaders. Time to evict them.
Now that your neurology is calm and you’ve pushed out all the free-loading beliefs and dogmas, ask yourself “What do I truly want?” LISTEN TO THE FIRST ANSWER.
The second answer will be the free-loaders knocking at your door saying yeah but and what about and should and ought and what would your dad think??! Because the free-loaders have a vested interest in you staying paralyzed and giving other people the power to decide how your life turns out.
Fuck that shit.
You are entirely capable of making decisions. You are absolutely capable of surviving making the wrong decision. It is time to take your power back.
Breathe, evict the free-loaders, listen to what you want. Repeat as often as needed — you can’t over do it. If you want some help with this, The Mindful Energy Apprenticeship and the new Be Bold Program both address this very issue, in-depth. For a limited time, save 20% when you enroll in The Mindful Energy Apprenticeship or Be Bold Program. Use promo code IGOTTHIS
Sarah offers a humorous, down to earth approach to radical self discovery. Mentor, author, and leading innovator in her field, she eases the learning curve of this thing called life. Check out her book, Mindful Energy : A Journey of Transformation — a guided journal, and hang out with Sarah on Facebook.